Wingbeats

After Corey "passed on" to the other side, I began noticing wingbeats for the first time. The wingbeats are impossibly subtle: I feel them when my eyes are closed and I am in a dream-like state, not sleeping and not fully awake.

In the dark of night before the sun rose today, I lit incense in the kitchen. As I selected a second match to light a white candle in the living room, I felt the intensity of my determination to connect with Corey. But as I struck the match, the match head split in two and half of it went flying off. It was the perfect image of a flaming, out-of-control head. 

I took it as a sign that I might want to set my intentions more gently, and as I struck the next match, I simply said, "The angels go before me."

In the meditation, after my busy-mind thoughts floated off, I felt wingbeats. I turned my attention to the place where I felt the wingbeats, and realized the wingbeats were behind me. It was as if I was feeling the presence of someone who stands nearby but behind a door. Then it came to me that what I call wingbeats is just a name for the heartbeat of a person who is no longer in the flesh. What I call wingbeats is really the vibrational presence of Corey. She is here.

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