California Girl, Healer, Friend, Lover, Sister, Daughter, Corey Considine lives in our hearts...because love is stronger than death
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Sobonfu Some Grief Ritual

11/13/2015

1 Comment

 

What we have lost deserves our attention

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This is how much I don’t want to do the grieving. Two months ago, with a courageous heart, I signed up for what promises to be a powerful weekend of creating an African tribal grief experience with Sobonfu Some’. (Thank you to SOIL for sponsoring this.)

Tonight at 7 pm we begin. Several days ago, as the time neared, I felt the part of me that wants to grieve rising up, and I thought: okay, this is good, I’ve reserved time for you to come forth this weekend. I’ve allotted a safe time and place. Just wait until Friday. I am a good person because I have set aside this weekend to grieve.
 
Now Friday morning arrives and one of the first things on my mind is: I should make that trip to the big-box store to get discounted office supplies. It seems truly urgent to knock that off my to-do list immediately…although I’ve been running out of paper and ink since April.
 
What I want to avoid is being sad. Being sad is a waste of time in a life that is predicated on creating a to-do list, being productive, continually focusing on the future…but as for grief, grief is never done; it is merely set aside, put on pause. Grief is easy to forget it, like the dog we don’t walk, the relative we don’t check on, the recycling we ignore.
 
What we have lost deserves our attention. 
 
What is most precious in the world cannot speak for itself, and grief is among these things.
 
The grieving brings me into the present moment. Here, in this moment, I hold the photograph of 12-year-old Corey with me, her arm around the back of my neck, her broad cheek pressed to mine, and I feel…loss and joy.  I feel who she was walking on this earth on those petite feet, long blonde hair waltzing in the breeze, starsparkle in the blue of her eyes, a joyful smile to offer every face that met hers. And I hear her voice: “Mom, I’m right here. I still have my arm around you, my cheek is still pressed to yours. Feel me, right here, loving you. I am here.”

I don’t know how to grieve. But I know there is more grieving to do. All I can manage is to sit in this unknowing, call on the angels of love, and wait.



1 Comment
Beth Keiser
11/13/2015 07:02:30 pm

Glad you are at the Grieving Workshop this weekend -- is it led by
Mailroom Some or his (former) wife? I read his book, and several friends went to the workshop she led a few years back here.

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    Love Is Stronger Than Death

    These entries are part of an upcoming book about love and grief, in honor of Corey Considine, my beautiful younger daughter. She was with us in physical form from August 12,1983 to June 6, 2013. It was a vehicle accident, at the end of a beautiful sunset she had just watched from her favorite hill. She was engaged to a wonderful young man, dabbling in art, planting gardens, planning her wedding, offering love, care, and healing to everyone she knew.

    Since that time, those of us who love her have had to work hard to deal with our grief and to be sure that the sense of loss does not overpower the love. To find a way to let our love for Corey grow. When your beloved is no longer walking on this earth, the love you had for them does not stop.
    Love is stronger than death.


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Corey Considine: Love, Death, and Transformation. A short film that may take me years to create. But I'm on it.