Note: To download the entire song with its beautiful harmonics, please go to http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/sheridanhillcandacefreel -- All proceeds go to help fund the film.
I stand behind Robert George in the Sound Temple, listening to his mix of my cousin Candace and me singing. It sounds better than it had sounded in my best fantasy of how she and I could render this complicated song that runs in rounds.
"Your voices blend perfectly," he says, "that's rare. Must be in the DNA."
We sing, "I pass through the ocean and shores...I change but I never die," and other lyrics that drive home the point that in some ways there is no death. What is eternal lives on. I am suddenly euphoric that the song our friend Mark Anderson wrote is now actually pulled together for archive purposes. Mark lives and works in a coconut grove on the remote island of Kauai. Now anyone can hear the beauty he created in this song, he will get the credit he deserves, and I can use it on the soundtrack for the Corey film on Love, Grief, and Transformation.
Then the tears come. It should be no surprise by now but it always is. Here in the middle of my joy come big shuddering streams of salty tears.
Grief overflows with love.
I can not hide my love for Corey, who is no longer walking around on the earth, Corey, who I will not allow to be forgotten. Corey, for whom the love will always emerge, as does the grief, and when the grief breaks through, it is visceral.
Candace, who knows me like a twin sister, moves close and holds me while my chest heaves and I let everything go...for a few seconds.
Life is like this now: there is love, and there is grief. Both of these things are true, and one doesn't cancel out the other.